Going Equally Stubborn...

It was after around 4 IUIs we decided to go for IVF.

To reach here, It was a journey of an exactly one year. I could easily remember the day as our marriage was turning One the day we had planned the insertion of embryos.

After couple of IUI rounds, we always tried for an IVF. But my ovaries refused to respond even to the heavy pumping of pure hormones. Might just be their tendency and so we always ended up getting not more than 2-3 follicles.

Being a PCOD patient, my ovaries were producing follicles in great number every month but never could develop even few of those to mature as the number was huge. With hormone injections, we tried helping follicles to grow in the hope of getting a batch of at least 8-9 of matures follicles.

Along with injection, we also tried resting my ovaries with no medication at all for a month and few months on contraceptives so as to perform/respond better to hormone injections.

But somehow it never happened. We always ended up having maximum of 2-3 follicles, leading to IUI and not IVF. With no success, leaving me with a question, how do all 30Million sperms manage to miss 2-3 big eggs and find their ways around. Alas!

It was a cycle after resting for a month I guess. Ovaries were on injections. On our 2^nd scan, we found 4-5 with prominently bigger size than those smaller dots. I thought we saw a little progress. But on our 3^rd scan, we only could see 2 from that previous lot, growing and eating the share of rest all. We waited for couple of more days preserving the 2 that we already had and hoping few more to grow. We saw a little change in 3^rd one but it wasn't close to the mature stage even after these many injections.

And now it was our call. We only had 2. We had already tried IUI for 4 times. My ovaries showed their tendency to react to the doses of injections very consistently. Thereon Started believing my ovaries. Then I thought we may never get more follicles than 2-3. And IUI didn't look as an option any more.

In case of IVF, number of follicles is a crucial part. First, in case of more number of follicles, chances multiplies.

Second, in case of failure, patient just need to go through insertion of left over embryos (if any) than undergoing round of injections and then surgical procedure to remove the eggs, etc.

Third, (can be most important) is the cost.

In spite of all this knowledge, I quite doubted my stubborn ovaries that they'll ever perform to produce more than 2-3. And ultimately, we require minimum of one embryo. I was kind of convinced and so pushed for an IVF. Since the follicle count  was low we went for ICSI technique with IVF. In IVF, sperms and eggs are left in the container to mate on their own. While in case of ICSI, embryologist inserts the sperms in the egg without relying on eggs to mate on their own. Though the chances were dim, I personally never thought they were.

Date was decided. Course was given.

A round of injection the night before and I was set. Next day morning my mother in law made us go to a temple nearby. We, me and my husband prayed for the dim chances to go bright and arrived at the lab. My MiL was all amazed by the posters and magazines around especially the pictures demoing sperms inserting etc. :P.

That surely kept her engaged till my procedure was up. She almost read everything that was available their.

Nurses took me to OT. Like all the theatres this was also with different units, monitors and what not. It was chilling cold in there. And I guess that was my last memory.

After the procedure doctor met my husband and MiL. He said he successfully retrieved 2 eggs as per the plan. One looked good to him but other wasn't that good. With that my dim chances reduced by 50% further.

My anaesthesia wore out and after I resumed to all the activities on my own, I was discharged on the same day. I had kept my next 2 days free as according to the growth, we were to decide day and time for embryo insertion. There were pills and injections prescribed for those 2 days just to keep me occupied :P.

Next day afternoon, I got a call from clinic – growth is good and we may need to do the procedure a day earlier than we thought of. I almost jumped but controlled myself as half the procedure was yet to happen. Indeed, I was few stages closer but still far.

One day passed. I was waiting for a call from the clinic but it didn't ring. Finally I tried ringing my doctor during afternoon about the further updates. Doctor asked me to call in 10 minutes as he wanted to double check the progress.

I kept thinking what could it be. Is he checking for OT availability or ....

One should always be positive during the whole process but I was kind of getting sure that it didn't go well. But I refrained from thinking more unless I hear something from my doctor.

My phone rang. It was my doctor. He updated me about the growth that it was good till last night but nothing happened after that till today morning. And so he wanted to double check the growth.

All my chances were diminished though they weren't many to start with. We just took a chance. Tried our best but as my ovaries, my eggs also turned Equally Stubborn. Just refused to work.

I had a word with doctor the following morning to discuss if there was anything missing from my side and the plan further. Leaving to my doctor to figure out what went wrong, I was mentally prepared for coming cycles.

One failed IVF cycle gave me all new level of patience. Being equally stubborn as my ovaries and eggs, I patiently decided to fine tune my routine further. As I started with my treatment I was weighing normal but now it surely shows over weight on the scale. I decided to take active steps to shed few kgs, to go jogging every evening, to keep away from sugar and to go Equally Stubborn.

Yup. Overies, They are a part of you. They can't be tougher than you. Go Equally Stubborn or Even More to make them work :)

Building the Surrounding

As I'm waiting with my fingers crossed, thought of writing about one of the previous experiences. They won't be as detailed as if I would have written them then but more than an incidence what I learnt and what I would really like to share is an approach behind, the support behind.

Many a times married females when they realise they require some treatment to be able to conceive, first thing that they do is to hide it from all possible people around. I agree, there may be social reasons for it. Especially the older generations find it tough to digest and I bet, their imaginations go wandering to extents. But being born in 21^st century, we have to prove that we can make people around understand rather than keeping them in dark. We, the tweeting girls can surely help not just older generations but parents, parents in laws and not to forget husband, to digest it conceptually.

We all learn so many things in school (to some even college) biology but not many knows stages behind our menstruation cycles. And then we claim that we belong to this wiki world. And even on top of that we assume lack of understanding from family folks. How ironic!

We even after being taught the concepts, if we are not sure of the basic, there we are. We know the start. The start is from yourself.

Dig into your school science journals or go the trendy way. Just google. Read till you understand every bit and byte of it. Read till you are sure if you can put your understanding into simple words and pass on to the generations behind. Solve their doubts to clear your fundamentals.

I'm sure now my readers must be thinking is she some kind of teacher asking her students to do homework and get it signed from parents :P

No No. I'm not a teacher either (Remember I'm no Doctor too :P ). But from my personal experience having to have as much theory understood, helps one better connect with one's treatment. Every medicine, every injection, every plan that your doctor chalks down with you will have a newer perspective all together. If you know what you are doing and why are you doing that, personally I feel you become more religious to your treatment than being bored of one.

Now do your obvious choice between doing something that you are clueless about and doing something that you are finding interesting (provided you have read lots)

I'm repeating here, the most important thing that we need to preserve is one's patience. Never to loose one during the whole process. And being informed is one of thing that will help us keeping up with our patience.

There is one more trick to build your patience is keeping people in loop. Now that (I assume) you have loads of information, pass it on. Find out who all can be a part of that loop. Preferably husband, all closed females, like mother, mother in law, any friend, any one going through the same and so on. If possible involve your mother in law (highly recommended). Explain (take a class :P ) those in the loop starting from the basics of menstruation, how it happens in normal cases, how is it different in your case, what all the treatments suggested and for what in brief.
And yaa..Please go slow on them.
Though you have been reading a lot and might have gathered loads of information but they are few steps behind. Help them catch up with your pace. And remember,  simple words and never to bore them ;)

Key is to keep it interesting and never make it boring. Once folks around understand the problem, whoever accompanies you to the doctor starts to understand the treatment ahead better and they start to connect with you, with your health, with your treatment more n more.

Now let me answer the question which has been sitting back in your mind since a while I started to write about getting people involved etc. 

Why? Why do any female needs to involve anyone in this? Why do any female give clarity and do so much to clear people's doubt?

Bang on!! There I was reading your mind!!

Answer is We are social animals. We like to have people around. We like to do things together. And your treatment is no exception to that.

During the treatment your body will undergo rounds of daily injections of pure hormones and what not. Every 3^rd/4^th day or alternate week there'll be a different plan for you. Inside, hormones will be jumping to sway your mood from this bank to the other. And to add into this if working, there will loads of work pressure which takes no excuses.

You come home and you see a face who understands your situation. Relief!!

Reads your face. Understands your mood swings. Handles the domestic front. Tries to keep that healthy environment around you. The face which will not only calm you down but will make sure of your medicine routine, appointment schedule, food intake, etc. insuring the smile on your face.

The concern and that motherly touch!! (and so highly recommended :) )
This otherwise would not have happened as no one will ever have the context unless you pass on. No one will understand your mood swings and high chances of taking them wrong.
And so get them involved. Make them understand rather than hiding. People are there to understand you. To support you.

Work on that support. Accept the support. Team up with your folks. You handle the treatment. Let the folks handle environment for you.

And so building the Support, building the Surrounding.
Keep up with your Patience!!

Living with PCOD...

And I'm finally at my 1^st blog with the intention of reaching those who are suffering from PCOD/PCOS.

PCOD - polycystic ovarian disease

PCOS - Polycystic ovarian syndrome

Before I start I'm no doctor but a patient like you all who is still struggling. (To my knowledge both the above terms are more or less the same and have seen them getting used interchangeably.)

We belonging to this generation of 'Googling', googles a lot to find out and read more and more. And even more in case of PCOD as we have not many around who are aware of this term PCOD or who can commonly treat or who can handle this confidently or redirect the patients to those specialists.

So I thought of starting to write about my experience not just to share but also to gather patients with PCOD. Not sure how this is going to be of any help but when one googles, one ends up seeing many such groups and forums with all sorts of queries and experiences but in US, UK, etc.

This is just an attempt to fetch a little help to those who are new to this term, who are unsure of their further steps, unsure of the cost and time involved and so on. This won't be a guiding tour but a place to share experiences, a place to find out friendly answers to queries if not scientific and more importantly a place to meet those who are just like you and going through the same.

It was around 10-12 years back from now. It was then when I had regular menses, thin body line, clear and uni tone skin, thick and long hair. Few years passed and I started to have elongated menstruation cycle along with tremendous hair fall. Luckily I was one those girls in the school with best long hair and so till now I at least managed to have bare minimum to cover my scalp ;)

In the meantime I got graduated and started working. Deep somewhere I used to be happy that I had elongated cycle and if I'm missing any menstruation cycle as it used to keep my work routine undisturbed. Later the symptoms followed with extra facial hair growth and weight gain.

Now this was something that shook me a little and I started to run to different dermatologists who could treat my extra facial growth and of course, the hair fall. Tried creams, shampoos, lazer and what not. Though I admit I was never that regular in fallowing the treatment but once my dermatologist suggested me to go to one of the leading Endocrinologist in the town to get my hormone level checked since he wasn't getting expected results in his treatment.

And that was the start. My menstruation was the root cause of every problem mentioned above but sometimes your professional life becomes so important that I always felt relieved in the cases of no menses.

Got my hormones checked. Sonography done. And it turned out PCOD.

By then I was left with 10% of hair and hella excessive unwanted hair growth. Fortunately I had no acne problem which is a common symptom but my hair loss and excessive unwanted hair growth were compensating for this.

Endocrinologist prescribed me metformin, advised me to immediately start conceiving after my marriage and referred me to one of the best gynaecologist specialised in PCOD cases.

And there I was without realising how serious or tricky situation was waiting for me to test my patience.

A month after my marriage I decided to start with the treatment as naturally there wasn't much of hope unless some treatment. I went to visit the same gynac as referred to. She heard me while going through my reports and firstly greeted me for not wasting time and for my decision of starting with the treatment earliest (my marriage was just a month old). Doctor prescribed me my first complicated prescription ever. I think it takes a little while to get used to with gynac prescriptions. One needs to develop the habit of speaking in number of days from their last period and of course memorise it. Pills are prescribed from day 2 and there is a list of different medicines from day x to day y and so on. Its really an art to be able to comprehend the prescription for those initial months but later one masters that art. To start with few Rounds of follicular monitoring to track things like ovulation, size, etc. Medication to boost the performance. In case of no expected results from Pills, then follows an operative Laperoscopy/Ovarian drilling. And then onwards We actively tried for conception for every month (with of course few gaps in between to rest my ovaries) with different doses of injections daily. The process took me under 4-5 IUI and 1 IVF rounds. Nothing worked. PCOD requires one to be really really patient. One important note for those going under rounds of IUI/IVF, start injecting yourself than going to nearby hospital or convincing some nurse. It saves lot of your time, energy and headache.

We then decided to take few months break as after all this it was advised to rest ovaries in the hope to perform better in the next cycle. By few my doctor meant 3 months. We then chocked down the plan splitting those 3 months as 1 natural cycle and 2 under contraceptives.

During 1^st cycle I got myself monitored on day 15^th (remember I told you to talk in number of days from menses) and saw several dots. Typical PCOD. What else I could have seen on that screen.

Discontinued the cycle and started next cycle with metformin. Again monitored myself on day 15^th and to my and even to doctor's surprise there was one follicle with 14mm along with those several small dots. Monitored again on day 19^th and it was standing there with 19mm diameter all smiling :)

Yaa. I actually saw the follicle smilling :).

We planned for an another round of IUI on day 21^st. And now I'm waiting with my fingers crossed.